we need to get real about sydney and carmy

placing my bets ahead of 'The Bear' season 3 premiere...

Tonight, The Bear, one of my favorite shows of all time will return for its third season. The Bear is actually to thank for the early days of ‘for breakfast’! I found the first season so special I fashioned a whole piece around television and food—my two great loves.

[From “tv shows about food ‘for breakfast’” July 2022]

I used to work in a Chili’s, so a show about a dysfunctional kitchen with a mentally ill chef who you kind of have a crush on seemed right up my alley.

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The Bear is not simply dinner, it is a five-course meal. The show follows a chef who after running Michelin-star kitchens finds himself back in Chicago taking over his family’s restaurant in the wake of his older brother’s death. Over its eight-episode debut season it’s funny, it’s chaotic, it’s hard to swallow, it’s emotionally devastating, and it’s a visual feast that deserves your undivided attention.

Two years on, and my initial reaction and early investment into The Bear have aged pretty great. When I sit down for the premiere tonight, I’ll be expecting more of the good stuff: More food, more family, more fighting, and more Sydney and Carmy—the sometimes confusing and all-the-time compelling relationship at the heart of the show.

my chefs fr…

The personal and professional tensions between the green and ambitious Sydney Adamu ( portrayed by Ayo Edebiri) and her now official partner in restaurateuring crime Carmen “Carmy” Berzatto (portrayed by Jeremy Allen White) have kept me up at night for the better part of a year. I call this relationship confusing because part of the mastery of the show is that it’s serving up a dynamic that is extremely difficult to pin down. This relationship is special to the show, but also to the television landscape right now. There’s nothing like Sydney and Carmy, where the will-they-won’t-they? of it all seems like the least of their problems—we have a goddamn restaurant to keep open, people!

Nevertheless, I need to document the state of this relationship—this intimate, textured, and rich relationship—ahead of Season 3, just so I can gatekeep later on. Many watchers of The Bear fall into two camps when it comes to the elusive “SydCarmy”:

1) The SydCarmy Deniers: The general sentiment I see from those who need Sydney and Carmy to be purely platonic is that any other direction would cheapen their relationship or feel gimmicky in the context of the show. SydCarmy haters often bring up the iconic television relationships of yesteryear. For example, as Sydney admires Carmy’s career, many cite Don and Peggy from Mad Men as a comparison. A deep and meaningful friendship between a mentor and mentee. The most that SydCarmy deniers have going for them is that Edebiri and White have commented multiple times that they don’t see Sydney and Carmy as romantic, but these comments seem to take on more caveats by the day—which brings me to…

2) The SydCarmy Truthers: After Season 1, I didn’t have much patience for the conversation surrounding the nature of Sydney and Carmy’s relationship. At the time, we simply didn’t know enough. Season 2 made me raise an eyebrow. The introduction of Claire, Carmy’s love interest and “girl that’s a friend” in this last season, added some color to the emotions and needs that inform the professional and not-so-professional feelings between Sydney and Carmy. Are they acting jealous, petty, and flustered just because of the restaurant OR is there something else? SydCarmy Truthers think the latter, and the on-screen evidence is damning at times. [See: Carmy’s panic attack finally calming down at the thought of Sydney entering his life. I’m not making this up.]

I laughed a bit at this Vanity Fair article addressing Edebiri and White’s comments during a recent press conference. They both clarify that there were no “romantic implications” regarding their characters in Season 3. However, if you pay any attention to the show or the tenor of earlier in the press cycle where Edebiri and White speak to the passion and sexiness in Sydney and Carmy’s relationship, these statements are hard to buy. Especially when the M.O. of this season’s press is the cast revealing absolutely nothing plot-wise.

If anything, these denials have sent the SydCarmy truthers into a further state of mass psychosis:

yes, i liked this tweet.

Now, you can guess where I, simi for breakfast, stand. I’m not opposed to romance for Sydney and Carmy. In fact, I see the vision! Quite clearly! Whether or not we’ll get to see things play out is a completely different story. I admire that the minds behind the show, Christopher Storer and Joanna Calo, haven’t written themselves into a corner with this relationship. As for a romance or lack thereof between Sydney and Carmy, to me, it’s a coin toss. However, looking ahead to tonight's premiere and the already-filmed Season 4, I don’t know how much more dancing around this tension the show can bear.

I’m optimistic about The Bear, the show and the fictional restaurant, along with whatever Sydney and Carmy get up to this season. I wouldn’t find romance cheap or weird, because I trust this show and know that it would feel earned. This creative team could produce 10 episodes of paint drying and I’d watch.

In observing the reactions to Season 3, I’ll finally have the material for a think-piece about why even the idea of black female sexuality in prestige television is so divisive, but for now, I’ll just treat this new season of The Bear like a national holiday.

There’s no better way to spend a summer night than holed up inside, binge-watching some delicious new television.